Unspiration

This night - this morning? - I was so restless that I gave in and got up to write the mails I should have sent a few months ago. The actuality, the nowness of life suddenly caught up with me.
It had been a very hard day.
Step by step - I am not getting any closer to a wished end result of myself, because I have been already trying out different selves for so many years, and it is what it is. Exciting and boring almost at once. Concentrated and sprawled out. It never fully feels t h e r e, does it? Because albeit full of book stories and movie scenes, a lifetime is just long enough to sometimes feel intolerably dreary, precisely so uninspired to whine like a child. Are we there yet?

No, you are here, and you will always be right where you are at the moment, there and never there at the same time.