7.12.14

Täna on juba selline tsitaatide otsimise päev

Kui palju progerokki saab õppimise taustaks kuulata.

Aga varahommikul, peale piinarikast päeva, kergelt muserdatud, ent hella kohvitamist, viimaks enda hingamise tasakaalu saamist, peole lippamist, tundide kaupa hämaras ühikatoas tantsimist, laiska lumesõda ja kelgulendu märjana ja valutavana end koju naermist leidsin selle:

'For the perfect accomplishment of any art, you must get this feeling of the eternal present into your bones - for it is the secret of proper timing. No rush. No dawdle. Just the sense of flowing with the course of events in the same way that you dance to music, neither trying to outpace it nor lagging behind. Hurrying and delaying are alike ways of trying to resist the present, and in cooking they invariably show up in the form of spoiled food. To try to have time, that is, to move as quickly as possible into the future, gives you abstract food instead of real food. Instant coffee, for example, is a well-deserved punishment for being in a hurry to reach the future. So are TV dinners. So are the warmed-over nastinesses usually served on airplanes, which taste like the plastic trays and dishes on which they are served. So is that meat which is not roasted but heated through in thirty-second electronic ovens. So are mixtures of grape juice and alcohol, prepared in concrete vats, pretending to be wine.'
Alan W. Watts 'Murder in the kitchen' 



And oh, how I despise the taste and even smell of instant coffee.


4.12.14

Valu

Liigutan jälle,
ja kõik on valus,
kõik on juba aastaid olnud valus,
kas see ongi vanaks jäämine?

Ja jalad takerduvad, ja küljed ei liigu,
ma otseselt ei kaeba, lihtsalt lõpmatu nõudlikkus jälle,
tantsijad.


2.12.14

Thirst

Mõned inimesed hakkavad lahkuma, pereheitmine.
---
I call and I deter, because it seems impolite to express this thirst amongst strangers.

And I know it will get no better before I drink my fill from the relaxed pools of my own mind. I wish unwinding these paths would get easier.
---
Vanad muusikad tulid meelde

29.11.14

Look at this princess

I'm the fucking real life Cinderella.

Cleaning and cooking all day, partying all night, at home barefoot and alone before the roosters crow.

Such a sweet one.

Thank you, Disney.

27.11.14

They take turns, now?
---
Motivatsioonipuudus tabas vist kogu mu kursust korraga. Uputame oma olematuid muresid - unedesse, filmidesse, telesarjadesse, juhuslikku flirti, suudlustesse, heasse sööki, sotsiaalsesse elusse,
niisama unustusse.

Oh, vaesed õppejõud.

Ja korraga on rohkem tekkinud tüdrukuteõhtuid ja tobedaid iseenese ja hormoonide üle naermisi - kui värskendav, tegelikult.

Otsin uusi kinnisideesid, et ometi vanadest lahti saada. Miski ei aita, kõik lihtsalt kuhjub, ja meie enda vanus naerab iga päev me üle.
---
A pleasant hunt, indeed.
---
Kurat


23.11.14

Tähed

Games, naturally, are lovely, but the moment someone forgets to play with, or the rules, or that it is a game, everything collapses. The tender card house of human relations - what a lovely rope-walking session we are having here.
---
Leidsin end mõttemängudes korraga - miks teatud mänge üldse mängima ei peaks. Mitte midagi ei ole väga kaalul, aga tasakaalu on ometi nii õrnkeeruline saavutada. Kas oleme väsinud, et üldine õhkkond kuidagi tundlikum on? Ent pigem nende vahel, kes just vähem üksteist tunnevad? Uued emotsionaalsused, teravamad märkamised,

Ja olen nii väsinud sellest, et kuigi näiliselt on kõik nii vaba, pean ometi nii hoolikalt kogu aeg kontrollima, mis toimub. Samas ei saa teisiti - ongi aeg õppida märkama, pisutki rohkem. Minu puhul on see eriti graatsiline - nagu tank õpiks valssi tantsima.

Üks, kaks, kolm.
---
I have never learned to censor my thoughts.

22.11.14

Nights

"Still - my heart would benefit from a little tenderness

From time to time.

But never mind.."