M.T. (MA)

It was not easy, and I did well under the circumstances, and felt the want to continue.

I gave a class yesterday that reminded me of something else, someone else, unknown. There are moments when I am using my back as feels right.
I love how time stops and jumps while I work.

Going to tour Estonia for some weeks and have a crash course on polite and useful feedback giving. I hope all parties will survive.

soreness

There are several workshops I need to prepare for in coming weeks, as well as the thesis presentation, as well as my daily job, and I feel too vague and hazy and lifeless for any of this, except for when interacting with people directly. It is all too familiar, the weight of the mornings, the boredom of the days, the never ending struggle to keep myself going for myself, not merely for others, which is so easy. These days I know I never grew up.
Familiar and strange at the same time - I have thought myself to be a generally positive person, only to notice all those times when I am not. I love people, at least some, I think, but I really need to learn to love me enough to not bore myself to apathy.

Somewhere I am missing some music.

uhh

mul on varvastes kodune tunne

ma ütleks, et ma olen rahulik, kui mind ei häiriks banner reklaamid sotsiaalvõrgustikes ja halb muusika laste raadiotes.
ei, marta kuulab ainult elmarit, mis on võrratu, nii kaua kuniks see kestab.

ja 'les miserables' lõputu suur plaan.
ja iseenese võimetus voodist välja ronida, isegi kui ma olen näiliselt asjalik.

samas, mõned üksikud kutsed teevad NII PALJU rõõmu.
inimesed üles-alla.

igatsen mõnesid kõnelusi.

appi

nii emotsionaalne, et mine lolliks

all i want for christmas is
all i
all

olevik

shhhh
tasa

(silmad kõvasti kinni, ainult vahepeal tuleb meelde, ainult kogu aeg)

igatsus
emotsionaalsus
ootamatus
lootus
vabadus